Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
