it wasn't lemon gatorade
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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