I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
