Whod you bang
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
