I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
