the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
