I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
