Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i think i have herpe
just one?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
