Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
...so i touched it.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
