she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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