So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
