APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize