And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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