can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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