So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
