i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
