Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
