you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
