I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize