I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
