apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
my poor anus
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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