Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
