We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
