my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
