Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
