So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
thus making me awesome and them whores
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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