My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize