I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
