i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
