first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
