I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
