It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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