so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
