Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i think i have herpe
just one?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
