Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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