Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
