put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
