My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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