I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
