He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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