Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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