I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
