I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
