Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
