So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
