Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
