im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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