meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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