My liver just broke up with me...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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