Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
