U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
