I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
