Im at strip club and am horny
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
