Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just forgot I was standing up.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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