remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
