guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
