I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
