im having a threesome with these popsicles
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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