I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
