So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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