dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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