Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
