So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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