I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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