so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
