im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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