Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
