it was like his penis was on wheels.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
