i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
